Surf (i.e depraved sex) City
Is it just me or is the song "Surf City", recorded by Jan and Dean just laden with sexual innuendo? I always knew there was something sinister just below the wax veneer of surf rock and Brian Wilson. I have this theory that society goes through ebbs and flows of how acceptable it is to talk about sex in the open. I feel we are in a sort of flow, hence I feel comfortable penning these observations. I was listening to my 60’s pop station on Internet radio and the song Surf City started. Now, I have heard this song probably hundreds of times since my childhood. In my head I was singing along to the words, tapping my toes in a way so my coworkers wouldn’t notice, and then there it was, like a money shot to the face.
First of all, the first line is “Two girls for every boy”, a line that literally gets repeated in varying forms for about two-thirds of the song. I don’t how much more clear the singer can be about this. Surf City is apparently the place to go because as a male, you are guaranteed a threesome (of course, if men everywhere flocked to Surf City on this promise I’m sure the ratio would be skewed in another direction leading to all kinds of degrading situations). You’d think that just saying this one would be enough encouragement for ravenous teenage dudes everywhere, but creepy thing about it is that they just can’t seem to let this go. It gets brought up in the chorus and in a couple of versus. At some point it turns from unbelievable awesome possibility to “why are we hitch hiking across the country with this weirdo again? Pull over, I want to get out!” Of course, this is all assuming that Surf City is an actual, physical location with municipal services and a local government and not just a stand in youth jargon term for threesome. Now that I think about it, that makes way more sense.
After the inticing advertisement of “two singin’ honeys for every guy”, the singer then decides it’s the perfect time to bring up his schlong, which he so lovingly refers to as a “woody”. From his hard on the subject then moves to the vehicle he is driving. This vehicle is said to have no “backseat or a rear window” but it apparently is satisfactory, or as the singer sings “it gets me where I want to go”. Does this sound like a rape van to anyone else? It seems to me like he should spend less time cruising for surfer girls and more time in prison and therapy for sexual harrassment.
Moving on, the song describes a beachside resort town where everyone is either surfing or partying, prime conditions for stalking, if you ask me. More mention of the two girls thing, I’m not sure what it is about this guy. Now, if this song still sounds harmless to you, it’s the coming up part that puts it over the edge of borderline still innocent to full blown pervtastic.
The singer so energetically sings: “And if my woody breaks down on me somewhere on the surf route/I’ll strap my board to my back and catch a ride in my wetsuit”.
Where, oh where to begin. Okay, so after boasting about the bounty of girls to be had and the lively times he is about to enjoy, he is apparently anticipating an inability to perform sexually, once it comes time for the showdown. One can only hope that it’s because he knows what he’s doing is wrong. But don’t worry, he’s got a resolution to his predicament: he’s just going to “strap a board to my back” a euphemism for Viagra, no doubt, and then “hitch a ride in my wetsuit”. That last bit is so littered with filth I’m having a hard time holding down my English Breakfast Tea at the thought. Does this singer have no shame? The song might as well have been called “Poon Hunt” and he could have sung a little more openly about attacking teenage girls (daughters of self-respecting middle class white men, even), and trying to get into their bikini briefs.
I just have one question to ask America. In all these years did no one in control of radio stop to think about the consequences that a song like this would bring on society? How are we to live in a world where men just have sex with young, beautiful, tanned women who spend all day toning their bodies on the ocean and all night drinking into wild abandon?
What? You say the song is just about hitchhiking to a little beach town where a lot of kids go to surf, get some sun, then drink punch at the town hall with plenty of adult chapperones? Hang on, I think I hear the police outside my door.
First of all, the first line is “Two girls for every boy”, a line that literally gets repeated in varying forms for about two-thirds of the song. I don’t how much more clear the singer can be about this. Surf City is apparently the place to go because as a male, you are guaranteed a threesome (of course, if men everywhere flocked to Surf City on this promise I’m sure the ratio would be skewed in another direction leading to all kinds of degrading situations). You’d think that just saying this one would be enough encouragement for ravenous teenage dudes everywhere, but creepy thing about it is that they just can’t seem to let this go. It gets brought up in the chorus and in a couple of versus. At some point it turns from unbelievable awesome possibility to “why are we hitch hiking across the country with this weirdo again? Pull over, I want to get out!” Of course, this is all assuming that Surf City is an actual, physical location with municipal services and a local government and not just a stand in youth jargon term for threesome. Now that I think about it, that makes way more sense.
After the inticing advertisement of “two singin’ honeys for every guy”, the singer then decides it’s the perfect time to bring up his schlong, which he so lovingly refers to as a “woody”. From his hard on the subject then moves to the vehicle he is driving. This vehicle is said to have no “backseat or a rear window” but it apparently is satisfactory, or as the singer sings “it gets me where I want to go”. Does this sound like a rape van to anyone else? It seems to me like he should spend less time cruising for surfer girls and more time in prison and therapy for sexual harrassment.
Moving on, the song describes a beachside resort town where everyone is either surfing or partying, prime conditions for stalking, if you ask me. More mention of the two girls thing, I’m not sure what it is about this guy. Now, if this song still sounds harmless to you, it’s the coming up part that puts it over the edge of borderline still innocent to full blown pervtastic.
The singer so energetically sings: “And if my woody breaks down on me somewhere on the surf route/I’ll strap my board to my back and catch a ride in my wetsuit”.
Where, oh where to begin. Okay, so after boasting about the bounty of girls to be had and the lively times he is about to enjoy, he is apparently anticipating an inability to perform sexually, once it comes time for the showdown. One can only hope that it’s because he knows what he’s doing is wrong. But don’t worry, he’s got a resolution to his predicament: he’s just going to “strap a board to my back” a euphemism for Viagra, no doubt, and then “hitch a ride in my wetsuit”. That last bit is so littered with filth I’m having a hard time holding down my English Breakfast Tea at the thought. Does this singer have no shame? The song might as well have been called “Poon Hunt” and he could have sung a little more openly about attacking teenage girls (daughters of self-respecting middle class white men, even), and trying to get into their bikini briefs.
I just have one question to ask America. In all these years did no one in control of radio stop to think about the consequences that a song like this would bring on society? How are we to live in a world where men just have sex with young, beautiful, tanned women who spend all day toning their bodies on the ocean and all night drinking into wild abandon?
What? You say the song is just about hitchhiking to a little beach town where a lot of kids go to surf, get some sun, then drink punch at the town hall with plenty of adult chapperones? Hang on, I think I hear the police outside my door.
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